When You Love an Addict: Stop Enabling and Help Yourself

Addiction is not a disease of character, personality, spirit or circumstance. It’s a human condition with human consequences, and being that we’re all human, we’re all vulnerable. It’s likely that in our lifetime, if we don’t love someone with an addiction, we’ll know someone who does, so this is an important conversation to have, for all of us. If you love an addict, it will be a long and excruciating road before you realise that there is absolutely nothing you can do. It will come when you’re exhausted, heartbroken, and when you feel the pain of their self-destruction pressing relentlessly and permanently against you. The relationships and the world around you will start to break, and you’ll cut yourself on the jagged pieces.

Don’t sponsor their drugs or alcohol

• Even a relationship as sacred as that between a parent and child is not beyond the corrupting influence of addiction, in fact it is often the first target an addiction chooses to feed itself.
• BetterHelp can connect you to an addiction and mental health counselor.
• If you feel like you’re getting mentally or emotionally drained, it’s time to take a break.

It also models good interpersonal skills for your loved one. Remember not to issue empty threats or consequences you can’t or won’t actually enforce. Addicts often become experts at testing and eroding boundaries, so following through on preset consequences shows you mean what you say. Once you identify healthy boundaries that need to be put in place, https://ecosoberhouse.com/ clearly communicating those boundaries to your addicted loved one is the critical next step. Boundaries only work when they are concrete, consistent, and expressed directly rather than hinted at offhand. Often, interventions provide the best opportunity for doing so with a clean slate.

• What addiction doesn’t know is that by causing pain to an addict, it waters the seed of it’s own destruction.
• You’re so important to him but he’s pushing you to the limit and not considering really the impact on you, much like a child.
• Especially if leaving your partner might be the best option for both of you.
• An important first step in helping your partner is understanding their substance use.

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Alcohol abuse has been in my extended family for generations, as it is with so many—the Irish Curse that I have fought with at times in my Alzheimer’s, clinical depression, and anxiety. Two years ago, we lost a son, Conor, to alcohol abuse—a good, loving son with a vile disease. Many find comfort and guidance in spirituality during their recovery journey. Engaging in faith-based communities or programs can offer support and foster a sense of belonging. Whether it’s through prayer, meditation, or community service, spiritual practices allow individuals to reflect on their values and purpose, helping to enrich their sense of self beyond substance use.

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One way to manage loving an addict is to try to remain on a neutral ground. Because he’s your loved one, there are two possible scenarios here if you’re not neutral. First, you could get so sucked in drug addiction while helping that you gradually become addicted to him or a part of his abuse activities as well.

Ways to Help When Loving Someone With an Addiction

I packed all his shit up and took it to his grandmas. My worst fear because with me his using decreased because his grandmas house is like a drug house. Its not a world i want to know but keeping him in my life while hes using has pushed my boundaries so far out i have no more. I decided doing same thing over and over expecting different results is insanity so what the hell ill try something different and give him firm boundaries. Said i will be by your side as i always have when you’re on the road to recovery. Only then because i realized i was putting more work into his recovery then he was.

• Remember, it’s not your fault that they’re going through this and it’s not your responsibility that they get well.
• Loving an addict in any capacity can be one of the loneliest places in the world.
• With a compassionate approach, you can stand by your loved one on their journey toward recovery, knowing you’re doing everything you can to get them the help they need.
• It may feel impossible to refuse to help a loved one in this situation.
• Don’t forget, positive vibes always help sort tough situations.

How to Love an Addict Without Enabling

Getting addicted to drug use, alcohol, or substance, in general, requires immediate addiction treatment physically and otherwise. It’s always good to recognize the problems and face them. The first step is to come to terms that the person you love is a drug addict, alcoholic, or substance abuse in general. You may have difficulties knowing the symptoms at first.

• I was in the other room when he died and had no idea he was gone.
• Lasting sobriety requires continuous self-work to identify unhealthy thought patterns, establish healthy routines, build a community of support, and find meaning in a sober lifestyle.
• You can research various treatment options in advance.
• First and foremost, when you love a drug addict, they are not going to be able to love you in return.
• When someone you love is abusing substances like alcohol and/or other drugs, you are likely to focus solely on the damage the addiction is doing to that person.
• In other words, if you don’t take care of yourself, you may not be able to take care of those around you, either.

However, it’s not easy to change an addict but you could try talking to them, leading them to ways of getting help or find a way they can get addiction treatment. There’s no high probability of changing them but you could try to put up with their behavior if you can, while still being involved with them. Addicts become addicts because they are looking to avoid suffering. The high they chase offers them the opportunity to, albeit temporarily, numb themselves to the pain and suffering that characterizes much of life. Some people become addicts as a result of intensely traumatic experience, others due to painful pasts, and others still due to a simple sensitivity to the suffering of life. What addiction doesn’t know is that by causing pain to an addict, it waters the seed of it’s own destruction.

Knowing when to give up on an addicted person is an important part of understanding addiction. When you can be as truthful as possible with yourself about your own enabling behaviors, when you love an addict you can begin to make different choices. This will lead to healthier changes in your addicted loved one as well. For example, you might decide to tell the addict in your life that you will no longer listen to them complain about their lives. However, you can let them know that you are very willing to be there for them as soon as they are ready to work on resolving their problems. First, you will need to separate yourself, both physically and emotionally.